Fort Knox of Compost Boxes

After just six short years, I've decided to use my compost box for it's intended use - to create usable compost. Until a few weeks ago, my compost box housed a collection of yard waste, mostly grass clippings, twigs, pulled weeds, and various instances of garden mulch. Evidently not the best environment for creating a usable heap of gunk.

The whole composting thing seems a bit cultish to me, but, if necessary, I suppose I can find a deprogrammer to rattle me to my senses. But apparently deprogrammers can't be trusted. So I might be up the compost creek if I become a convert. Feel free to intervene if you see fit.

One of the interesting sidebars to the whole proper composting project is the carnival-like atomosphere it has created for various four-legged rodents in our area. Big black squirrels, the rats with good PR, were into the new found buffet the very first night actual decaying food stuffs were added. The squirrel(s) dug directly under the unit, ejecting the majority of the heaps' contents - potato peels, apple cores, and past-due hamburger buns included. To prevent further invasions, I have placed the compost box on top of a large cement patio stone.

While this has prevented sub-terrainian incursions, the squirrel(s) have been able to clamber up the sides of the unit with their dexterious mitts, and have succeeded in opening the door at the top. I suppose then then repell down to the feast below, and then, once they've made a squirrly glutton of themselves, somehow are able to scramble up the inside of the box and free themselves.

I've taken security to the next level - I have secured a bungy cord across the top of the box, effectively locking the cookie jar. Tonight I will check to see if this enhancement has been breached. If it has, I will have no choice but to take the steps necessary to protect my compost. I do so not really knowing the benefits of the compost, but rather, I take it as a personal challenge to protect what is mind from these scheming pests. I liken myself to Carl Spackler, the dean of all varmint fighters.

It was Carl who once said, "License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote."

Truly inspirational.